Facing Fears

Fear of failure is one of my biggest nemeses. There are many things I avoided throughout my life because of fear. Looking back now, many of them I wish I’d gone ahead and done. So what if I failed? Would the world have ended? Probably not. And what if I’d succeeded? The possibilities are endless.

For instance, there were boys I had crushes on. Did I ever get up the nerve to ask them out? Better yet, did I ever venture to SPEAK to them? Not even. Nope. I mean, if I spoke to them, then they might have spoken to me, and then what??? The dire consequences loomed in my mind. Looking back now, I wish I had opened my mouth more, risked being ridiculed. I might have made some good friends. Or even—shocker—gotten a date? As a result, I didn’t date until college.

Writing was another venture I didn’t pursue as much as I should have. I wrote some things for myself, and of course when teachers forced us to for assignments. But actually writing for others and letting people read my work, not going to happen. Not until decades later when I made the decision to pursue writing. The results: I'm now in 3 critique groups, one excellent local writer's group, a member of SCBWI, and have had many poems and short stories published over the last four years. I'm currently working on several picture books and novels. I've particiapated in NANOWRIMO several times and now have rough drafts of three novels, one of which is being edited in my critique group. It happens! But only if you try!

Maybe it is the fact I’m approaching fifty. (That’s half a century for those who haven’t thought of that particular association). Shudder. But recently, I’ve been stepping out of my comfort zone and trying things that caused fear in the past…fear of failure that is. Not fear of trying.

One thing I’ve always wanted to try is painting. But what if I’m horrible at it? I don’t want to paint something and have people laugh at it. Not to mention the cost. Spend money on oils and canvas and such, and then trying my hand at painting and coming up with a hot mess, well, I would be really disappointed and upset at the waste of funds.

But why not give it a whirl, eh? So, I tried to be reasonable. I went on Amazon and found a small paint kit for about $12. It had six paint colors and six brushes of various sizes. If my work comes out crappy, I’m only out $12. And I didn’t buy a canvas. I had some wood in the basement from some other projects, so I took a piece of pallet wood and found a picture of a bird that I liked online and gave it a try.

I didn’t spend a lot of time on it, maybe an hour. First, I took some grey and white and black spray paint and gave the wood a brief spraying in layers so the area was covered, but not all in one color. This gave it an aged appearance. Then I started painting. Here is another money saving hint. Instead of buying an expensive palette, I cut the bottom of a plastic two-liter bottle off and used that as a make-shift palette. It works nicely because it has four wells, plus four ridges and a center. This provides lots of areas to put paint and mix it as well. And when done with the project, it is easily cleaned off because it is plastic. Or you can simply throw it away and make a new palette in the future when you are ready to do another painting. So how did it turn out? 

Black-Capped Chickadee on Palettewood

Maybe I’m not Picasso or anything but I think it looks nice. In fact, recently the pastor of our church said he wanted to feature members of our church in the “living room” they recently opened at the church. He asked if I would loan the painting to be displayed there. Of course, I said yes. It’s not perfect, but it definitely isn’t horrible. In fact, most people looking at it would correctly say it’s a painting of a bird. So, I call that a win.

Here is a picture of it on display in the church living room.

On Display in the Church Living Room

I am also a member of a Facebook site that features photography from across the Ozarks. They post a lot of nice bird pictures, especially right now that it is winter. I decided to use one of these pictures as my model and do another painting. I again used wood, this time a smaller piece that is the top of a board used for a fence. I think when my husband replaced our gate last year, this piece got left behind. It was perfect for what I wanted to try.

I treated the board similar to how I did the first one, giving it a few sprays of black, grey, and white spray paint. Then I picked my colors and went to work. Here is the results of my second attempt. 

Cedar Waxwing in Oil on Fence Wood

Again, it isn’t perfect but it is at least identifiable as a bird, right? I am calling it a win. Right now the piece is decorating my living room.

My suggestion is, just do it. Just give things a try. If I had tried painting and it had turned out horribly, then what? Toss it. Or better yet, give it to someone you don’t like.

“I made this for you!”

“Why thank you…what a nice…um…eh….what is it?”

You can answer, “Why, a paperweight” or “Oh, you’re so silly…it’s a….<insert your own choice of words>,” you decide. Or just laugh and walk away. Let them figure it out.

So what is fear holding back in your life? Painting? Writing? Ballroom dancing? Why wait. You don’t have to make a career out of it, but dip your pinkie toes in the pool. Give it a try. You may surprise yourself. You might find a new love. Or just a fun thing to do in your spare time. (I know, I know…spare time, what is this spare time you speak of?). But you get my point. You can sit on your butt and watch tv, or spend an hour or two and try something new. Try something you always thought, oh, that might be interesting, but you never did. Want to learn a language? Check at your local library for a book on cd and start learning! Always wanted to dabble in carving, woodworking, whatever, check at your local community college and see if they have a class on it. Just DO IT. No one is going to laugh and point. And if they do, who cares? Is it going to be broadcast on the evening news? Probably not, so let them laugh. Surprise yourself. Life is way too short to let fear shackle your creativity!!!